We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
