I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
