I heard we made out
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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