Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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