it hurts more in the daytime
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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