Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
