Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize