YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
