just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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