Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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