Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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