i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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