Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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