I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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