This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
