I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize