oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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