if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
