you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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