I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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