so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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