Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
