The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
