if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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