i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
