I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize