WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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