He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
