I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
