Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
