I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
