At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
