id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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