I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
