oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
