I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
