It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
