I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
