The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
