Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
