There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
