im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
