i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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