And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
