I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
