Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
