we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
