i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
