If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
