whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
someone owes me an orgasm
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
