Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
