tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize