I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
