dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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