I need to stop coming to work sober
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize