the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
