You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Panties = found
Randomize
