Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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