@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
