if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
