You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize