dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
