We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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