is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
