very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
