He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
