Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
