One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
